Epilogue: The Tales of Beedle the Bard

[lindalupos]

Part of the series, so yeah. :) Sort of the after-dinner mints of the series, so here we are. I remember the release of this one being much quieter - of course, it was in the news that there was "A NEW HARRY POTTER BOOK" because of course, but there were no midnight releases or anything. Probably didn't help that it came out the day before Sinterklaas. :p But I bought it that same day and read it in one sitting.

Unlike Quidditch Through The Ages and Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them, I still had my original copy, a lovely pale-blue hardback. I feel like with books, the design of the book really contributes to the reading experience, so I like that the book sort of looks like it could have been from the wizarding world.

Anyway, not much to say about this one, really. I liked how it deepens out the wizarding world, and how it give us yet another perspective of Dumbledore, this time as a scholar and Hogwarts professor. It also serves as a sort of summary/cliff notes version of the themes of the series, which is neat.

Recap!

The Tales of Beedle the Bard

Nice, luxe edition, lovely illustrations by Jo Rowling. “Translated from the original runes by Hermione Granger.” (I do wish it had had some commentary by her, too; would have been fun.)

Copyright 2008. 7 other books available, the first two also in Latin. Proceeds go to the Children’s High Level Group, for children in institutions (which later became Lumos?).

 

Five tales and an introduction by Jo. Beedles stories are like our fairytales, except for Muggles magic is always the cause of the problem (enchanted spinning wheel, poisoned apple etc) whereas wizards can do magic themselves but find it just as hard to solve their problems. “Magic causes as much trouble as it cures.”

Plus there are much more active female protagonists. “Asha, Alteda, Amata and Babbity Rabbity are all witches who take fate into their own hands rather than taking a prolonged nap or waiting for someone to return a lost shoe.”

Beedle “believed that the worst excesses of wizardkind sprang from the all-too-human traits o cruelty, apathy, or arrogant misapplication of their own talents.”

Dumbledore left a set of notes on Beedle to the Hogwarts Archives (there’s such a thing?). Headmistress McGonagall gave permission to reprint them! The notes were completed some 18 months before Dumbledore died (so around Christmas in Order of the Phoenix – while Harry was visiting Mr Weasley in St Mungo’s, Dumbledore was reading fairy tales). “Those familiar with the history of the most recent wizarding war (everyone who has read all seven volumes on the life of Harry Potter, for instance) will be aware that professor Dumbledore reveals a little less than he knows – or suspects – about the final story in this book.”

The footnotes have footnotes by JKR, to clarify for Muggle readers.

 

The Wizard and the Hopping Pot

There once was a kindly old wizard... Too bad he had an asshole son who hated Muggles. No Muggle-aiding for him!

Damn the old wizard fixed a lot of stuff though. Help yourself, people!

And the son takes up his mantle, although only so as not to be pestered by his pot anymore. Yay kindness..?

 

Dumbledore: “Beedle was somewhat out of step with his times in preaching a message of brotherly love for Muggles.” How surprising.

Some history of wizard persecution by Muggles. Aw, Nearly-Headless Nick lost his wand at his arrest and wasn’t able to magic himself out of prison. L

Pro-Muggle wizards were called mudwallower, dunglickers or scumsuckers. Charming.

Brutus Malfoy, editor of Warlock at War, an anti-Muggle periodical, around 1675 (14 years before the International Statute of Secrecy).

“This prejudice eventually died out in the face of overwhelming evidence that some of the world’s most brilliant wizards* were, to use the common phrase, ‘Mugglelovers’.”

* Such as myself

Beatrix Bloxam, author of The Toadstool Tales. Who is basically Umbridge as a children’s author. “Filling the pure minds of our little angels with healthy, happy thoughts, keeping their sweet slumber free of wicked dreams, and protecting the precious flower of their innocence.” A snippet of her version of Hopping Pot: “but don’t forget to brush your teethy-pegs!”

No wonder her books cause uncontrollable retching.

 

The Fountain of Fair Fortune

Somewhere in an enchanted garden, only accessible by one person, once a year (noon on the longest day).

Asha is incurably ill.

Altheda is desperately poor and robbed of her fortune

Amata is heartbroken and hurt in love

The three of them and a random knight (Sir Luckless) are sucked into the garden. The knight (a Muggle) offers to leave but the others refuse.

Three obstacles of course, which magically cure their ills. Sir Luckless gets to bathe – and wins the heart of Amata. (The twist is that the fountain was never magical at all.)

 

Dumbledore: This story was the subject of the first and only theatricals at Hogwarts. Dumbledore was in charge of the special effects (as he was the Transfiguration teacher). The play never happened because ‘Asha’ and ‘Amata’ had a fight over the guy playing Sir Luckless. Professor Kettleburn (who retired before PoA allowing Hagrid to become a teacher) provided an actual giant worm – an Ashwinder with an engorgement charm. No wonder he lost limbs. Basically the Great Hall nearly burned down while ‘Asha’ and ‘Amata’ duelled it out. Kettleburn was on probation 62 times and only had one and a half limbs left at the end. Suddenly Hagrid sounds sane.

“Headmaster Armando Dippet imposed a blanket ban on future pantomimes, a proud non-theatrical tradition that Hogwarts continues to this day.” So much for all those “Hogwarts puts on a talent show” fics.

Lucius Malfoy wanted the story removed from the library because of depiction of “interbreeding between wizards and Muggles”. “I do not wish my son to be influenced into sullying the purity of his bloodline by reading stories that promote wizard-Muggle marriage.” He’s a kid, not a horse.

Dumbledore:  Lol nope. “My response prompted several further letters from Mr Malfoy, but as they consisted mostly of opprobrious remarks on my sanity, parentage and hygiene, their relevance to this commentary is remote.”

“This exchange marked the beginning of Mr Malfoy’s long campaign to have me removed from my post as Headmaster of Hogwarts, and of mine to have him removed from his position as Lord Voldemort’s Favourite Death Eater.” Burn.

 

The Warlock’s Hairy Heart

A warlock decides to never fall in love because it’s so undignified. It ends badly, obviously. His family is all “all will change when a maid catches his fancy”, proving that nothing much changed between late middle ages wizarding England and today.

The guy doesn’t even mourn his own parents when they die, damn.

He decides to take a wife as a status object. He finds the perfect wife (beautiful, rich, talented witch) the very next day. She doesn’t like him much. “If only I thought you had a heart!”

Well he does, he keeps it in a box in fact. Also it has hair.

He puts it back in his chest at her request, but the heart has grown dark and strange, and he murders the girl. Charming. He tries to literally exchange hearts but dies as well.

 

Dumbledore: this story was never much challenged or changed. Even Beatrix Bloxham couldn’t deal with it. Most parents prefer not to tell it.

It’s about a quest for invulnerability. “To hurt is as human as to breathe.” Yeah, we learned that in Order of the Phoenix.

True love potions don’t exists. Also potions makers are called “potioneers”.

“The resemblance of [locking away your heart] to the creation of a Horcrux has been noted by many writers.”

“To have a hairy heart” = a cold or unfeeling witch or wizard.

 “Most recently, the self-help book The Hairy Heart: A Guide to Wizards Who Won’t Commit* has topped bestseller lists.

*Not to be confused with Hairy Snout, Human Heart, a heart-rending tale of one man’s struggle with Lycanthropy.

 

Babbity Rabbity and her Cackling Stump

Or the one with ‘the stupidest title known to man or beast’.

Some foolish king decides he should be the only one to have magic. Good luck with that. A fraudulent magician claims to be an awesome wizard who will teach the king. Babbity sees that he is fooling the king. She laughs at both of them. The foolish king is Not Amused, decides to perform magic in front of everybody and the Fraud must help him. Oops. Fraud tries to threaten Babbity into helping him (“do this or else I will turn you in to the authorities for being a witch”). She agrees.

The king’s magic works until it doesn’t (he tries to revive a dead dog) and Babbity is discovered. She runs, transforming into a rabbit, hiding in the stump of a tree. She intimidates the king into leaving wizards alone – and into erecting a gold statue of Babbity.

 

Dumbledore: this story is the first time that many children learn that magic can’t bring back the dead. The eminent wizard philosopher Bertrand de Pensées-Profondes had this to say on the subject: “give it up. It’s never going to happen.” Love that name.

Becoming an Animagus is hard work. Professor McGonagall swears she has only ever used her tabby disguise for legitimate reasons.

Babbity may have been based on famous French sorceress Lisette de Lapin (Lisette Rabbit).

Muggles cannot learn magic, it’s a congenital ability.

The three Unforgivable curses were labelled that in 1717.

 

The Tale of the Three Brothers

Sadly still not animated.

They travelled at twilight according to this version. :p

Wand, stone, cloak, etc. This feels a little redundant after reading this exact bit in TDH less than a week ago. :p The chapter heading needs more Deathly Hallow logo though.

The first brother didn’t even last twelve hours with the Elder Wand.

“And then he greeted Death as an old friend, and went with him gladly, and, equals, they departed this life.” With the DH sign on the illustration of a gravestone.

 

Dumbledore: “This story made a profound impression on me as a boy.” Oh really.

Aberforth’s favourite story was ‘Grumble the Grubby Goat’ of course.

Moral of the story: “human efforts to evade or overcome death are always doomed to disappointment.”

“The irony is that a curious legend has grown up around this story, which precisely contradicts the message of the original.”

Dumbledore turns himself invisible with a particularly powerful Disillusion charm.

“Nobody has ever found the Cloak or the Stone.” Sure. The Wand supposedly DOES exists. The Death Stick is still a dumb name though.

Wands absorb the expertise of those who use them. We saw that in TDH, yeah. Wizards are also generally buried with their wands.

“No witch has ever claimed to own the Elder Wand. Make of that what you will.”

The Elder Wand is NOT unbeatable but has (ironically) been beaten many times. “It attracts trouble as Grumble the Grubby Goat attracts flies.”

“Humans have a knack of choosing precisely those things that are worse for them.” You already told us that in PS. :p

“But which of us would have shown the wisdom of the third brother?” Uh Hermione? Which only confirms the “witches don’t claim possession of the Elder Wand” thing.

“Even I, Albus Dumbledore, would find it easiest to refuse the Invisibility Cloak, which only goes to show that, clever as I am, I remain just as big a fool as anyone else.” 

 


And with that closing thought... The Reread is FINISHED.